Roller Coaster

These last few days (really weeks) have been a roller coaster for me. I have been happy, sad, mad and just downright worried and doubting about this move to Ohio. Needless to say, my already gray head of hair (and beard) has gained quite a few more silvery white hair-mates (is that even a word??).

The enemy has really been after me. He really does not want this thing to happen and he has pulled out every trick in the book. I've been falling for a lot of them too. Doubt has been my middle name the past few weeks and I might as well change my last name to scaredy-cat. The fear of the unknown has overtaken me. The loss of control and trusting has made doubts creep in that I haven't felt in quite some time.

Throughout all of this my faithful, loving wife, Cheryl has been a rock. I have been shifting sand. She has encouraged me and felt my wrath during crazy mood swings of pent up frustration and fear. She is truly my better half, my "ezer kenegdo" (lifesaver alongside me).

The great thing about her is she keeps sending me back to the Savior. She has never relented to any of my complaining or whining. Gently she reminds me that God is on my side and will never leave me or forsake me.

This morning, I took my stand. The gloves were officially off and I decided to fight back, hard. With my "sword" in hand, I started praying and asking God to forgive me for my doubt and fear. Then I came at satan with all I had. Verses were coming into my head to remind me of God's promises and everything that the devil had been using on me over these last few weeks I turned around on him.

"Your house will never sell."

Lie!! I immediately prayed for the people God has for this house. "God please bless this family. Let them know You and may this house be used for Your purposes." Before we painted the house, I felt urged to write Joshua 24:15 on the door posts... "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." This house has a blessing on it. My sister-in-law Phiona planted landscaping because she felt God calling her to do so because as she said, "He has a DOUBLE BLESSING for you!"

See the point is, the enemy has no dominion over my life or yours for that matter. We are bought for a price, the cleansing blood of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Our debt is paid! Satan tries as hard as he can to knock us off balance, but we have already won. He is just a nuisance.

A guy by the name of Graham Cooke has a great teaching called, "Messing with the enemy's head." I have listened to it numerous times because what he talks about is so true and life changing if you can just make it a part of your daily life. Whatever lies the evil one whispers to you, turn them around on him. He hates that. Remember God's promises. Basically, do the opposite of what he tempts you to do.

"Don't give your money to that bum, he'll just blow it all on alcohol!"

Turn it around, give him all you've got... you can't out give God. It reminds me of the Seinfeld episode when George Costanza decides to do the opposite of everything he would usually do. He ends up getting the girl at the coffee shop and getting a job with the Yankees!

But serioulsy, what a concept... our flesh is always tempted to look out for number one and fall for the lies. Turn those thoughts around and you will see satan frustrated and heading for the hills, because the last thing he wants to do is make us stronger in the Father. When we are tempted and resist and put our trust in the Lord is kills him.

After all is said and done I am not out of the woods yet, but I have my head above water and I am ready for the fight. I put on my armor this morning and I am ready for the fight. God will not leave us hanging... He has begun a new work in our lives and will be faithful to complete it.

We covet your prayers... always know that there is a nice guest room available in Marysville, Ohio!

Dramatica

I don't know about you, but I have a flair for the dramatic. Small problems in the grand scheme of things can become quite an ordeal for me a lot of times.

The stress of this past month has taken me to some amazing highs and devestating lows. Over the past few days though, I have started to realize that my issues pale in comparison to others. Now in the moment, my issues seem to hold their own seriousness, but when I look around me and see what others have to endure, I am ashamed that I even got bent out of shape at all.

Nancy wrote a ton of verses on her Blog today about the peace that God gives... about the promises He has given to us. As I read through those promises again, God really allowed me to see that all He is asking of me is to let go. There was a very simple song that I loved when I was in college called "Let Go," by a band called PFR. The chorus says:

Gotta let go of the little things, before they get you down
Gotta let go or they'll drag you to the bottom and hold you down
It's a war we all fight, and compromise is the battleground
But if you're ever gonna grow, you've got to let go

PFR - Pray for Rain (1992)

Sometimes I guess it takes 14 years for stuff to set it in... I have to remember daily the words Christ said to the Apostles before He left them; the promise of the Holy Spirit:

... the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

John 14:26 - 27 (TNIV)

Part of letting go is allowing the Holy Spirit full access. Everything that we are. Mind, body and soul. Only then will we really experience the peace that He promises.

In the next chapter of John, Jesus explains another aspect of letting go... realizing we can't do it on our own:

I am the Vine; you are the branches. If you remain in Me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

John 15:5 (TNIV)

I'm not saying this is easy. Full devotion and having faith and hope in God's plan takes a lot. We are stubborn. We think we can do it all on our own. It reminds me of when I was about 4 years old walking on stilts. My dad was right behind me holding me up and I said, "Let go daddy I can do it on my own." About 2 steps later I was on the way to the hospital for stitches on the back of my head. When we try to make things happen on our own, inevitably we fall.

Someday all this will sink in... hopefully with as few trips to the Emergency Room as possible.

Ed

Today at 4:45 p.m. Ed went home to be with His Savior, Jesus Christ. While he leaves behind his wife and two beautiful children, his life and the faith his wife, Kelley has shown througout this struggle have undoubtedly drawn others to Christ.

On Ed's website this verse was posted at 4:30 p.m. right before Ed passed:

Therefore, do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4: 16 - 18 (TNIV)

Selah.

Why?

Yesterday I got a text message from Stacey about Ed Horn.

Some of you may remember me writing about Ed and his battle with cancer. He went to the same high school as Cheryl and I and attends our old church, Northridge.

Stacey sent a text out for prayer, because Ed's body is shutting down... it just can't take much more. He coded a few times this past week and things have been progressively getting worse.

There are a whole range of emotions pulsing through my veins right now. I read about Ed last night and then checked out a great friend of mine's Blog and he talked about a friend who is going through sickness. I just started thinking, "God, why can't you just heal these guys? I know you can. Just do it!"

Frustration overtook me and I started looking at pictures of Ed and his family and I got mad. "God, why do these two men have to suffer? Whatever the lesson we need to learn or whatever lives need to be touched, there has to be another way?"

I looked at my life and I thought, "Why not take someone who has less to lose or fewer people to leave feeling devistated. Why not me?" I am not necessarily asking to take Ed's place, but I think about who I am and the faults I have and I think that there are people far more deserving of life. Not trying to be morbid here, but I just want Ed's kids to have a father. I want his son to have a dad to teach him how to be a man. His daughter a daddy to protect and shower her with the love deserving of "Daddy's Little Girl." His wife and the love of his life a partner to grow old with.

When I look at Kelly and I see in the things that she writes about their relationship, I see a lot of similarities to the love Cheryl and I share. My heart breaks for her. She seems to have such an amazing faith in the Father and what He is doing. She hopes for healing and believes that God will bring it. Now she sits beside her best friend and love of her life waiting, still hoping, but realizing that Ed may be leaving her. Why is this happening?

God, please save Ed. Please heal him. You are Jehovah-Rapha, the Lord your Healer (Exodous 15:26). We know that you can do it... we have seen you do it. Heal Ed.

I don't know how to end a post like this... I don't know how to feel about this. All I can ask is for you to pray for Ed and his family. I know that each and every one of us knows someone or has a family member or friend going through something, somewhere out there. We have all experienced loss.

Please pray for Ed.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes...

What a whirlwind this month has been!

I have neglected my posting responsibilities only due to the immense amount of change happening around here. It seems that my life is taking a new direction and right now, I just feel like I am along for the ride and have no control over it at all.

Of course, being the control freak that I am, this has been tough. There is a lesson to be learned for sure...

Patience. Trust.

As some of you may or may not know, Cheryl and I are moving to Marysville, Ohio. Yes, Ohio.

Little did I know the chain of events that was set in motion when Aaron and I stopped to spend some time with his friends in Marysville. Now they are not just his friends, they are our friends too. Cheryl got a job just a little less than a month ago in the Columbus area and now, we packing up and heading down to Ohio.

Many of the events that have occured since have really worked on my lack of patience... I've struggled with that one for a very long time.

Cheryl's new employer has provided us with a relocation package which means we have to work with a company that "specializes" in relocating employees and their families. Let me just say, if they just gave me the money that they are paying these dorks to relocate us, I would have had everything done about 2 weeks ago and had a lot of money left to use on something fun and exciting for the new crib in Ohio. Everything that we do with this company is slow and bogged down in red tape... not surprising, most corporations/big businesses are like that.

Anyway, this has obviously aggrivated me on numerous occasions, but God is asking me to sit back and let things happen. Be patient. On top of that, they can only talk with Cheryl... no control for Mr. Control at all. So, yes, I am realizing there is a lesson to learn here.

That leads me to my next lesson... trust. I worry too much. When I have no control over a situation, I worry about how the person controlling said situation is going to handle it. God is asking me to trust Him. To give Him complete control. Very hard for me. I know the truth. I know that God is in control and has the best plans for me, for us. Knowing it and living it are two different ideas though. Following, trusting God is simple, but it ain't easy. Cheryl's brother Jim said that the other day and man oh man is that the truth.

So here I am in the middle of the biggest transition of my life and I have no control. I am being stretched to hope for and expect the best. God is saying, "Let me take care of this, just let go and let Me do this for you."

Like I said, simple but not easy.

Oh Captain, Our Captain...

Today was a bittersweet day here in the city they call Hockeytown. At 1:05 p.m. the man who wore the "C" on his jersey for 20 years called it quits.

My love for hockey goes back to my early days when my dad took me to my first game at the old Olympia Stadium in Detroit. The decible level was almost too much for a little kid like myself to handle, but the bonding that I experienced with my father and eventually with the game of hockey will never be forgotten.

The 70's and early 80's were some horrible years for the Red Wings. A once storied franchise became known as the "Dead Wings." I can remember going to a game at Joe Louis Arena in the early days and hearing the crowd booing one of the many coaches and Hall of Fame players, Ted Lindsay. The owner, Mike Illitch, gave away cars at home games to try and persuade people back to hockey in Detroit.

In 1983, things were about to change. With the 4th pick overall the Red Wings drafted a kid out of British Columbia, Canada by the name of Steve Yzerman. No one knew then what he would become.

Coach Demers made Steve Yzerman the Captain of the Red Wings over 20 years ago. He has held that position longer than any other in the game. He played his entire career with one team and won 3 Stanley Cups.

There were a lot of tough times for Stevie. Injuries to his knees that would have kept other athletes from the game never stopped the drive he had. His desire to win and the work ethic he showed - most times on one leg - motivated his teammates to play above and beyond their potential. When Scotty Bowman came to town, he wanted to trade the Captain, but Steve adjusted his game and eventually led Detroit to it's first Stanley Cup in 42 years.

Steve Yzerman is and always will be my favorite athlete. I am not ashamed to say that I have shed tears both for joy and heartache throughout the years as a Wings fan, but the good times and memories that Stevie brought this city and the fans of the "Winged Wheel," will always hold a special place in my heart.

Thanks Steve.