The past month or so has been a real down time for me. Not depression, but true joy and contentment has escaped me. I have had my up and down days. My eyes have not been on the prize and I have allowed the Enemy to creep back into some of the places he has worked his magic in the past. Of course I have felt like a failure, thinking, "Here we go again."
The New Year always brings with it an examination of the past year and a look forward to the upcoming year. Maybe this year I will learn to play guitar or speak Gaelic. Those are fun to think about. Dreaming about what you might be able to accomplish in 2006 and beyond.
Where things get messy for me is thinking about what needs to be fixed. I can fall down a pit of despair rather quickly when I think of all my faults. The word I used this evening was, "hopeless." As I write it I cringe. As I said though, a flair for the dramatic.
To add insult to injury, I am very stubborn. I dig in even when I know I am wrong. So you add the dramatics and the stubborness and a terrible mixture takes place.
You see, my ever-loving wife, Cheryl, does her best to help me through these times of illogical thought by being logical. Even as I hear and agree with her logical thoughts in my head, I dig in with my stubborness and stay in my pit of despair knowing I am wrong. What is wrong with me?!?
Cheryl stands alongside me and tries to "love" me out of the pit. She never gives up. No matter how much I dig in, she looks at me and sees the man she loves, not this dufus who whips himself into a frenzy.
I read something in Cheryl's favorite book, Captivating, tonight that helped me understand something amazing about her. I always wonder what allows her to stick with me through these "episodes," and I think that the book sheds some light on it.
In Genesis 2:18, it says, "It is not good for the man to be alone, I shall make him a [ezer kenegdo]." The Hebrew scholar, Robert Alter translates ezer kenegdo "sustainer beside him."The author of Captivating goes on to explain:
The word ezer is used only twenty other places in the Old Testament. And in every other instance the person being described is God Himself, when you need Him to come through for you desperately...Fierce devotion. Ability to suffer great hardships. Vision to make the world a better place. That is my darling wife. She really is my lifesaver. She'll never leave my side.
Most of the contexts are life and death, by the way, and God is your only hope. Your ezer. If He is not there beside you... you are dead. A better translation therefore of ezer would be "lifesaver." Kenegdo menas alongside, or opposite to, a counterpart.
You need an ezer when your life is in constant danger...
...He (God) does not want to be an option in our lives. He does not want to be an appendage, a tagalong. Neither does any woman. God is essential. He wants us to need him - desperately. Eve is essential. She has an irreplacable role to play. And so you'll see that women are endowed with fierce devotion, an ability to suffer great hardships, a vision to make the world a better place.
The amazing thing is that I learned to love God more tonight. God showed Himself to me through my ezer kenegdo, "lifesaver alongside me," Cheryl.
I need Him desperately. Forgetting that is what leads to the drama.
4 comments:
Thanks for writing this Scott. It was a real encouragement to me. I also have a positive spouse and it is a good thing!
I always wondered how women always seem to be the rational voice when things go awry.
My wife definitely fits the bill.
Love how you speak off the cuff Scott...I think God enjoys reading your journal as well.
Pray that I will find my ezer kenegdo 2006...one much like yours! May 06 be one of the best years of our lives!!!
I enjoy learning more about you and your relationship with Cheryl. It seems that God has blessed you both immensely.
Someone just told me about that book...this is confirmation that I need to get it ASAP!
Hope all is well in MI!
Post a Comment