Freaks

While I like to think of myself as kind of a "weird" person, really I want to be "normal." I want to be "normal" so bad, that I look down on others that don't fit the mold.

I really have a hard time with people that are different than I am. People who march to a different drummer. You see, I think that people that act differently than I do, just "don't get it" or they're oblivious to what everyone in the room is thinking.

Maybe the truth is, I really envy them a little. They are free to be themselves. I am not in that place very often. I worry about perceptions. I don't want to draw attention, because then, maybe you'll see my flaws.

No matter what, I continue to struggle with loving the "unlovable," the people that just don't fit in. The unlovable were the tax collectors and prostitutes in Jesus' time. For me they are the awkward, oblivious and draining people. Even putting a label like that on them is horrible, but it is truly how I feel.

God keeps bringing these "unlovables" into my life. It's kind of funny and sad all at the same time. It's funny because he is trying to teach me something I continue to try not to learn. It's sad for the same reason. I almost want to learn to love them so I no longer have to be around them... but that would mean I never really learned the lesson now wouldn't it?

1 John chapter 4 keeps coming to mind...

7 My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. 8 The person who refuses to love doesn't know the first thing about God, because God is love - so you can't know him if you don't love.

Like a dagger to my heart every time!

I know that I need to love the "unlovable" especially my brothers and sisters in Christ, but it is so hard. Whenever I struggle with this, a somewhat cheesy song pops into my head from the album Petra Praise 2: We Need Jesus, it's from the song "We Need Jesus." The lyrics ask:

When will the world see that we need Jesus?
When we share the love of Jesus,
See each other as He sees us.
Then His love will see us through.

That kills me... tears come to my eyes every time I hear it. God sees me as beautiful, someone He wants and loves to spend time with. He doesn't see a broken person. He doesn't see my failures. He doesn't see me as awkward, oblivious or draining. He loves me.

So here I am again, trying to learn that lesson. Trying to see others the way my Father sees them. He delights in them. He loves their "different-ness" and their quirks. My prayer is that His ways will truly become my ways.