Help Wanted...

I just finished up what I can only call another train wreck in the long line of disasters by the NHL marketing department.

The NHL Awards Ceremony aired last night on VS here in the United States. I'm sure you missed it, but I am a glutton for many things and one of them happens to be punishment doled out like a BC two hander by my first love in sports, the NHL. Thank God for the DVR.

This year was the big hurrah of the NHL as they moved the Awards from the Great White North to the Deserts of Sin City. Look out Vegas here comes the NHL!

To start things off with a bang, the NHL spared no expense and went for a home run with their opening act. None other than the mega-stars who've been on top of the charts and number one in your hearts for a very long time, Robin Thicke (son of Growing Pains star Alan Thicke) and Chaka Khan. Yes, I just said Chaka Khan. Way to play to your audience guys.

The first presenters didn't disappoint either. Kevin Connelly, from Entourage, Michael Buble along with one of the big mouths of the NHL, Jeremy Roenick. Buble and Connelly read the tele-prompter almost as well as Obama and Jeremy Roenick struggled to string more than two words together. It was pretty pathetic.

Did I mention all the empty seats at the Palms in Las Vegas. There were quite a few. Couldn't you hire some seat warmers or give away some tickets? Honestly, who would want them?

Not only did the NHL trot out some amazingly high profile celebs like, Colin Ferguson from the "hit show" Eureka (it's on the SciFi Channel, I had no idea), William Fichtner (Prison Break) and mega-producer Jerry Bruckheimer but they paired them with some NHL superstars of years gone by. Always a recipe for awesomeness. Then hoping you would forget, they had those same celebs present at other times throughout the show. Nothing like a little recycled Jeremy Roenick and Michael Buble to keep you on your toes.

Did I mention what a total idiot Jeremy Roenick was? Good. He also graced the stage a few times to stammer his way through a few awards and show his amazing comic timing and stellar improv skills.

A few of the awards were just presented by the good ol' boys of the NHL. They may not be slick talkers or be great at reading from cue cards, but at least they are down to earth and likeable people. Enter former Oiler great, Glenn Anderson. Not only did he think he should pick up on the douchebag tendencies of Jeremy Roenick, but he thought he'd throw in a little biggotry just for fun when he said, "I thought these were the NHL Awards, not the Russian Awards." This in response to most of the Awards going to Russian players. Thanks Don Cherry Jr., we appreciate you pointing that out for us.

Speaking of Russians, "they need learn speak English as people understand properly what saying they are." Evgeni Malkin was the worst offender of the English language (he's only like 22 years old, so I'll cut him some slack), while Alexander Ovechkin and my own favorite Pavel Datsyuk were a close second. Although, Ovechkin got the second biggest laughs when telling Malkin, "You English not bad as Pavel." Pavel actually got the biggest laughs when he accepted his second award of the night saying, "second time, not as ner-wous."

To top off the "Russian Awards" someone thought it would be a great idea to send out Hall of Famer, Igor Larionov with Vladimir Konstantinov. Konstantinov suffered a severe closed head injury 12 years ago. He is walking and talking even though doctors thought he never would, but to put him onstage with his walker and have him present an Award was pretty horrible. Stay classy Gary Bettman.

As the evening continued to degenerate Mark Messier gave out his own Award, the Mark Messier Leadership Award. He also did a fabulous job of putting all 3 of the people watching the broadcast into a deep slumber.

Finally, Kevin Smith popped up on the screen and provided a few moments of reprieve by talking about how much he loved the NHL. Besides Pavs winning two awards, that was the highlight. Yes, a less than 30 second appearance by Kevin Smith was one of the highlights.

Before the night ended the head dufus of the NHL braintrust made his usually awkward appearance to present a Lifetime Achievement Award to Jean Beliveau. I am always suprised that these old timers don't elbow Bettman right in the face.

What better way to end the night of nights for the NHL than with the smooth sounds of... you guessed it, Chaka Khan.

So I ask you people of North America, why aren't you fired up about "the Greatest Sport on Earth?"

If anyone in the NHL took the time to look at the NFL and see how they have taken their sport to the highest heights, maybe, just maybe the NHL would have a chance. Heck, why not go and hire away the some of the people that have marketed the NFL so well. Pay them whatever they want and let them reshape the way people look at this sport.

The Help Wanted sign still hangs in the window of the NHL. Fans long for the day when Sportscenter shows more than 30 seconds of NHL highlights. They hope for a day when one of the Networks actually cares to show their games in Prime Time. They hope for a day when people know other players besides Sidney Crosby (the face of the NHL, strangely absent from the NHL Awards Show, way to go face).

For now, we have to settle for more of the same. A sport that hasn't figured out how to market a game that when seen in person makes many skeptics turn into fans. Some of the most talented athletes you'll never know play this game. It's a shame those who guide the ship don't have a compass.