Wow!How did I miss out on, "the Man in Black," all these years?
Thankfully, A@ron exposed me to his music on our Road Trip across America. Honestly, I wasn't sure what I thought about it at the time, but just like a lot of music I was exposed to on that trip, it grew on me.
Cheryl and I watched the movie, Walk the Line, from Netflix on Saturday. There was something about the movie that just resonated with me from the opening scene to the end of the film.
One of my realizations about why I loved, Walk the Line, so much comes down to my love for the beginnings of Rock n' Roll music. There's a purity to it. It really was new and exciting. Passion flowed through it. It may seem simple to some people, but there is just something amazing that draws you in.
After the movie, Cheryl and I started chatting about what we thought. I was emotional through the entire movie. Why is that? What is about movies like this that just move me so deeply that tears well in my eyes for 2 hours straight? Now this is going to get really deep into who I am, so if you are not up for it, stop now...
I love the underdog. I identify with them on so many levels. Johnny Cash grew up with people telling him he would never make it, that he was not worth it, a nobody. While I never heard that sort of thing from my parents as Johnny did from his father (and first wife to some extent), I did hear it from many other adults in my early years.
It's very interesting, because I was part of a conversation on Friday night where this came up as we talked about my time at my amazingly judgmental Christian school. Someone asked me, "When did you graduate?" I responded, "1990." Then the statement that killed me, "Yet, you're still talking about it."
Whoa. I mean, listen, I understand that I graduated 16 years ago and I should get over it. That is true, but my identity was formed (unfortunately) by a lot of those things that were spoken over me. I was beaten down emotionally/mentally from 2nd grade until graduation with a lot of not so nice identity traits put on me by some people who probably had no idea how it would affect me all these years later (still no excuse). But I am dealing with it right now. This is where God has taken me... maybe I missed the bus many times. Maybe God wanted to heal me of those wounds millions of times over the years, but I can't change that now. This is the time and the place where I am saying, "God, show me how YOU see me."
This "identity crisis" has been brewing for as long as I can remember and I know that God has a purpose in all this. It's amazing to me that my Friday conversation and watching Walk the Line all came together at just the right time... God's time.
God keeps speaking to me about my identity. He keeps bringing it into all aspects of my life. After watching the movie I had a long conversation with A@ron and God again brought "my identity" to the forefront. I am reminded again, "And we know that all things work together for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)" Uncomfortable conversations, movies and conversations with great friends... all of it, the good, bad and the ugly are part of His love for me.
I know that I am on my way to finding my indentity in Him... in His time.
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By the way, congratulations to Reese Witherspoon on her Oscar for her work in Walk the Line! Her portrayal of June Carter-Cash was great...
I was bummed the Paul Giamatti didn't win, but Phillip Seymour Hoffman was my second choice.
The "What the ?!?" moment had to be the Oscar for best original song, "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp," from the movie Hustle and Flow. At least the boys from Three 6 Mafia were excited to win... some of the recipients were not as thrilled as you would think they would be.
7 comments:
God makes all things beautiful in His time, my love.
We watched this movie on Sunday night. I liked it a lot.
I also have identity issues. I am insecure about my own abilities, yet God is constantly revealing to me, who I am. He is always reminding me that I am lionhearted, and overcomer, and I am ready for the fight. I need to stop fighting Him and not take so much credit for failing to live up to someone else's expectations. Those are not my expectations, nor His. I am living right where He wants me.
Don't beat yourself up. Let God correct you and show you what and who you are. This was one of the hardest things for me to do. I still do it sometimes and when I realize that I'm doing it, I call on Him.
Something I keep thinking about is I'd rather be right where I am, knowing where I have been, than going back to where I was, not knowing where I am going. There is no better place to be than where you are right now. God is constantly working on you, Scott. You are His favorite.
Yeah, we all watched it together on Sunday. I LOVED it. I think Reese and Phoenix both did amazing jobs!
Thanks for being so open. I know it's not easy! My prayer for you is that when you look in the mirror each day that you will quite literally see yourself as Jesus does; you are His Beloved and His Inheritance.
About your comment that yes, it was 16 years ago that you graduated...an issue or hurt that is that significant takes time to heal and that healing won't happen if you had been ignoring it for years. It sounds like God is working in you and He will perfect you--and all those issues--in His own perfect timing.
I too remember those judgemental school days--the good and the bad from them--we have much to learn from all of the experiences in our lives.
Much love
I read this today after I read your entry and thought of you and some of my own issues.
"I am not all that I should be, but I am bringing all my energies to bear on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God is calling us up to heaven because of what Christ Jesus did for us." Phil. 3:13-14
Forget the past. Look to Christ.
Yeah, if it's any consolation, I was 34 when I finally felt like I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. Now I look back on the rest of it all as preparation, or maybe rehearsal. Part of that rehearsal included a few happy years with you, and for that I'm grateful.
"Don't let others spoil your faith and joy with their philosophies, their wrong and shallow answers built on men's thoughts and ideas, instead of on what Christ has said."
Thanks Kevin...
I really do see all the things that I have been involved in up to this point as preparation. How else can I explain all the different "careers" I've had over the years?!?
The great thing is that God is continually asking me to keep my focus on Him and when I do, nothing else matters.
I'm glad you checked out the Blog!
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